i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
