What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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