he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i will never coherently bang her
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
