I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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