Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
