That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
