he thought i was a dude.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
