this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
