TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize