Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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