I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
