we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
