Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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