oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
