he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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