Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
