it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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