She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
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