Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
