you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
