She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
