I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Vodka?
Forever.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
