A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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