I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
