What did we do last night that was yellow?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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