Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I color on your dick again?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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