I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
This toilet bowl is my home.
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