You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
