My liver just broke up with me...
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
