One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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