I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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