i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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