The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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