I wanna passion pit in your ass
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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