Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
