dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
