I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
