UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
