I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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