i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
