Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
