FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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