respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
