Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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