Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
