I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
