Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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