It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
