i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
