I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
