Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
