omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
