Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's Friday. Sex?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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