That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
