Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
