I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
