Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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