there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
