Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
