I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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