Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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