I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
