I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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