So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You did what with his pubic hair?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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