Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
