I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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