do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
