No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
