It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Barsexuality is the new black.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
