i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize