am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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