Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
