So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
