I must be too annoying 4 u.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
