What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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