My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
