What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize