ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
