well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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