Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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