I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
