I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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