I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
