Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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