i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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