I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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