Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
