there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
