I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
