I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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