He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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