I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
