weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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