The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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