"it" just moved
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
