I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
