i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
