the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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