Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
