Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
