could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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