1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
