we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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