Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
