I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
