I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
