I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize