I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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