Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
